i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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