her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
