I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
