between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
how does that bad decision feel?
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