I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
