Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
