Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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