When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
