No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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