Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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