i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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