You really coming over, don't trick.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
