Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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