So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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