Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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