If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
