in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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