you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
