I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
