i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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