these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
