He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
