OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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