I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
