I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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