Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize