She is in my trunk
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
is wine microwaveable?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
