and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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