well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
