so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
