if you like me you must not know who I am
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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