You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
