it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
