nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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