it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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