U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
