I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
