I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
