After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
God, I missed his penis.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
