In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
