So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
