From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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