So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
