I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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