he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
3pm strippers are depressing
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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