just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
