She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
