I'm lost and stupid without you.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
