First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize