think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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