Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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