But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
