don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
