I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
