he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You are a genius and a whore.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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