the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
