You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
