Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
