eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
