You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
