Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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