I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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