: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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